I wore mascara yesterday. Normally I'm not one for make-up, but I felt like a little dark swipe around my eyes would make them pop and look more soulful.
I was right.
I looked in the rear view mirror of my old, yet trusty, Honda Accord as I flexed the mascara brush up and out. It made me smile. After I twisted the brush back into the tube of black goop, I noticed my eyes seemed brighter and not as sad. Honestly, I didn't think the mascara itself made much of an improvement to what was naturally there. The reflection I saw looked different, in a good way. I smiled again when it dawned on me-- I turned a corner with the down-on-my-luck mood I've been stuck in for a while. For a few minutes (actually the entire song of Sara Evans' track "A Little Bit Stronger") I felt at peace. Maybe the yoga, detox baths, and green tea/water are working...or maybe I've finally accepted my life will be used to do great things in due time. I can't dwell on the things I don't have because I might be blind to the possibilities of better things in my future.
I've found it to be incredibly frustrating when people tell me "you will find the right career, everything will work out"-- as if my efforts to find such thing the last year (or more) haven't meant anything. I've experienced my fair share of rejection (or worse- sent my cover letters and resumes into the abyss of HR departments with no contact, ever). I've had interviews where I felt like I could hold my own "playing with the big kids" and although I felt like I did well with them, nothing happened with a job offer. I questioned whether or not all my time in school was a waste, if I did something wrong, and cried many tears when I let myself hope "this is the right job for me" only to find out another candidate won. I drove myself crazy wondering why. I lost my patience with the universe. I really, really, felt like a failure. People tell me I have a lot to offer an employer; both with skills I already have and my ability to learn on the fly. Tell me something I don't know. It took me a while to realize I slipped away from my genuine self and I started to obsess over the negative instead of having faith in the positive.
I know I'm fighting an uphill battle given the economy and so many people out of work....but someone, somewhere, has to notice my application (polished resume and eloquently written cover letter) in the stacks of resumes and think "she is worth a face to face meeting". I want the right employer to see the joy with newly found hope in my eyes and experience my genuine- light-up-the-room smile. I want to help people and be the most dynamic person I can be in the working world.
Until the life changing day with a job offer comes, I have to focus on the glimmer I saw in my own eyes. I can't define myself by the number of rejections, or how another person might perceive me through two documents without knowing the person I actually am. I have to continue getting stronger.
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you an hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
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